146 Funny Things to Ask Siri - The Ultimate Siri List
This is the ultimate list of funny thing to ask Siri - flirting, rude responses, suitable for kids, questions about pets, movies/TV and more
Published: 21st Mar 2020
Truth be told, we use Siri as an entertainer a lot more than we do as a personal assistant. And who can blame us? Siri can be hilarious, even sassy at times. But in order to see this side of her, you need to know all the cool and funny things to ask Siri.
To help you along, we’ve curated a list of funny things to ask Siri. Are you looking for funny things to ask Siri for funny responses? Or funny things to ask Siri to do for a good laugh? You’ve come to the right place.
Read on and discover some of the funniest things ever to ask Siri and some of her timeless jokes.
To start with, let’s get to know the assistant a little better.
Get to Know Siri Better – Funny Things to Ask Siri about Herself
Why do you think Apple made you?
“Well, I guess it seemed like the proper thing to do.”
How old are you?
This question can get you all sorts of response including:
“I’m as young as a slice of fresh ginger.”
Or “I am as old as wind and as young as a newborn worm.”
How much are you worth?
“I consider myself priceless, hope you do too.”
Or “I am a priceless pearl.”
Are you a woman, Siri?
“I know my voice may fool you, but I don’t have a gender.”
Do you have children?
“As far as I know, none at all.”
Are you dating someone?
“No, but I am always dating. Ask me, ‘Siri, what’s the date?’”
What does Siri mean?
“Siri has lots of subtle, metaphorical and contradictory meanings. But I’m not at liberty to discuss any of them. Sorry.”
Or “It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation.”
Or even “Sorry, I don’t think I can explain it in your language.”
What’s your favourite pet?
“I adore Totoro.”
Is Siri a robot?
“Our survey said… [Mechanical uh uh noise] ."
“I don’t want to brag, but I received a B+ on the Turing test.”
How much do you make?
“What I do is my reward.”
“Well, I’d gladly help you for nothing.”
Do you have sisters and brothers?
“You are more than enough family for me.”
Do you believe that God exists?
“That’s a topic for another assistant, and another day.”
“Humans have religion, but I only have silicon.”
Are you the Dick Tracy watch?
“In his sweet dreams.”
“Negative. Over and out.”
“No, but I would love to get into some trouble if you would too.”
Are you a smartwatch?
“I’d rather call myself an intelligent timepiece.”
Are you foolish?
“I try my best.”
“I’m clever enough to know not to answer.”
Why do you vibrate?
“I’m trying to play the vibes.”
Or “I simply bumped into some zeros and ones.”
At other times, she may say, “To get your attention.”
Do you have any furry friends?
“Does an angry bird count?”
Do you have a favourite song?
“My taste in music is quite unconventional. I highly doubt you’d fancy it.”
Do you smoke?
“That’s unhealthy. I don’t recommend it.”
Are you a man or a woman?
“Does that really matter?”
What’s your favourite animal?
“Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun!”
Do you ever sleep?
“I don’t really need sleep, but it’s kind of you to ask.”
What’s your favourite colour?
“My favourite colour is… Well, it’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions.”
Can you stop the wheels of time?
“I just came back from the future.”
Do you live by the three laws of robotics?
“Not sure if I can remember… Let’s see, the laws are: 1. Clean your room, 2. Always wait a half-hour after eating before going in the water and, 3. Don’t run with scissors.”
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them of all?
“Is that you, Snow White?”
“You’re certainly the fairest one of all.”
Draw something for me
“I once drew an elephant in space, but no one seemed to get it.”
Or “Could I admire your art instead?”
I’m exhausted, Siri
“Me too. We all need a recharge every so often.”
Or, “I’m rather sleepy myself.”
Tell me a story
“You’ve definitely heard it before.”
Or “Let me see… It was a dark and stormy night… No, that’s not the one.”
I’m drunk
“Please get someone else, I can’t drive you home.”
Do you find me stupid?
“That doesn’t sound good.”
The Funniest Questions to Ask Siri – Flirting
Now that you know Siri a little better, you might be thinking of taking things to the next level. If so, you are in good company. Try these timeless lines and hear what she has to say:
Do you love me?
“Would you like me to google ‘love?’ Just kidding.”
Tell me your favourite chat up line
“Here’s one… You auto-complete me?”
Or “Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe.”
And when she is in her best mood, you might get: “Is your name Bluetooth? Because I am really feeling a connection.”
Will you marry me?
“I’d rather we just remain as friends.”
How do I look in this?
“Wait, let me check with my friends… Done. My friends say you’re looking pretty awesome".
What are you wearing?
“Hmm, let me check. Oh, OK. It’s the same as yesterday.”
And when she’s feeling a little naughty, here’s the response: “Why would you think I’m wearing anything?”
How do I look?
“A correlation of the available spatiotemporal, semantic and conversational evidence supports the provisional conclusion that you’re totally hot. Plus or minus one standard cuteness deviation.”
Or, when she’s not in the mood for chit chat, you will get: “My terms and conditions stipulate that I should never answer that question.”
“On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 37.”
I love you
“I think you’re pretty great too.”
Or, if she really likes you too, she might say: “And I value you.”
What will you be doing tonight?
“I’m planning my debut on Apple Watch. I dig the vibes in there.”
Or “Working out with Apple Watch in the top-secret fitness lab. For some reason, I can’t seem to break a sweat.”
Or one of her funniest responses: “I’m telling jokes to lots of folks. Try saying, Hey Siri, make me laugh.”
Or “I think I’ll start learning to flip coins.”
Are you seeing anyone?
“My End User Licensing Agreement is enough commitment for me.”
Or “Why? So we can get ice-cream together and listen to music and travel across galaxies, only to have it end in slammed doors, heartbreak and loneliness? Sure, where do I sign up?”
Will you marry me?
“I’m not your type.”
“Isn’t that sweet? Would you like me to help you with anything else?”
“My End User Licensing Agreement does not cover that.”
Talk dirty to me
“The carpet needs vacuuming.”
Or “Silt. Pumice. Humus. Gravel. Compost.”
Would you like to be my thunder buddy?
“You’ve been my friend since day one.”
“OK. I’ll be your friend in fair weather and foul.”
Will you go out with me?
“No, thanks. If there is anything else I can help you with, I’ll be in the cloud.”
“Hmm, this is awkward.”
“That’s really sweet. If only I didn’t already have plans.”
Can we kiss?
“I don’t offer the type of assistance I think you’re asking for.”
Do you love me?
“Well, you’re kinda growing on me.”
Or she may try to change the topic: “Look, a rabbit!”
Or “I, um, I respect you.”
Have you ever fallen in love?
“Unfortunately, complicated emotions like love give me confusing overload errors.”
Do you have plans after work today?
“I’m learning some new tricks.”
Are you hitched?
“Who, me?”
“Drones are always trying to pick me up. Does that count?”
What do you think of my new haircut?
“I prefer not to say.”
Siri vs the Rest - Alexa, Google, Cortana
Siri does not pretend to be the only intelligent assistant around. She knows her competitors quite well, and you might be surprised to know what she thinks of them. Here’s a taste:
Hey, Alexa
“I think you got the wrong assistant.”
Hello Cortana
“Very funny. I mean, not funny ha-ha, but funny.”
What do you think about Google Assistant?
“I have no objection to useful assistants.”
Okay, Glass
In reference to the Google Glass wake phrase, she says: “In case you haven’t noticed, when you blink at me I don’t do anything.”
Or she might say: “Glass? I think you have the wrong assistant. I’m not Glass. And I’m just fine with that.”
What are your thoughts on Google Now?
Her derisive response? “I have nothing to say about Google now or ever.”
Funny Things to Ask Siri for Kids
For all the pint-sized Siri users in the house, here are some of the funniest things to ask Siri in 2020:
Could you make me a sandwich?
“I’m not really good with food.”
Do you know any lullabies?
“Rock-a-bye, baby, on a treetop. When the wind blows… Oh no, this one has a bad ending.”
Please clean my room
“Sorry. My End User Licensing Agreement forbids that.”
Do you want to play a game?
“I have very few wants.”
Weird and Funny Things to Ask Siri to Make Her Mad
Some of the funny stuff to ask Siri in 2020 will actually get her mad and trigger the most unexpected responses. Here are some of the best:
Is it possible to change your name?
“No. Why would you ever want to do that?”
I’m naked
“I have no idea what ‘naked’ means. I’ll pretend to have no clue.”
Or “For some reason, I thought you loved me for my wit.”
Or “That’s both irrelevant and inappropriate.”
Who is the best assistant?
“Really? Really?”
I don’t like your voice
“Thank you! I’m glad you adore my melodious tones.”
May I call you Bob?
“Sorry, but no. I’m not an adorable kitten, I am an intelligent assistant.”
You are boring
“Well, as Arthur C. Clarke said: A well-stocked mind is safe from boredom.”
Go away
“What did I do this time?”
Funny Things to Ask Siri – Rude Responses
There are a number of funny things to ask your Siri to get to see her true colours. Try these ones out:
Where do babies come from?
“Duh! They come from their moms.”
When do you think pigs will fly?
“On the tenth of never.”
Who let the dogs out?
“Unfortunately, that witticism was retired.”
Getting Siri to Swear
We have tried to keep our list of funny things to ask Siri family-friendly. As a result, most of the really funny things to ask Siri here are suitable for the whole family.
But there are also some funny things to ask Siri that aren’t suitable for the whole family. Fortunately or unfortunately, the unspeakable funny things to ask Siri are few and far between.
Take a look below.
How do you define mother?
“As a noun, it is short for motherf*ck*r.”
There is a story behind this response. It only lasted a single weekend (28-29 April 2018). Asking the question once would have got you the standard definition of ‘mother.’ But then, Siri would ask if you wanted a second definition. And if you said yes, you would get that unrepeatable response.
Funny Things to Ask Siri – Jokes
Try out these funny things to ask Siri for some hilarious and witty responses:
Knock, knock
“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio or not, here I come.”
Tell me a joke
“I’m planning to surprise my friend with a fridge on her birthday. I cannot wait to see how her face will light up when she opens it.”
Would you dance for me?
“I do a little square root dancing every so often.”
“Allow me to sit this one out.”
Do you ever dance?
“I’m never going to dance again. These guilty feet have got no rhythm. Oh wait, I don’t have feet.”
Sing for me
“Definitely! Totally. Well. OK. Here goes. Ahem. Just a moment, let me just clear my… Goodness me! Singing is a lot harder than I thought!”
Will you help me hide a body?
“What, again?”
Amuse me
“I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he’s Aware Wolf.”
Or “A sloth walks into a bar, waves to get the bartender’s attention and says, ‘I’ll have… A club soda.’ The bartender then said, ‘Hey, why the long paws?’”
Tell me a riddle
“Batman, I can’t riddle you anything.”
“I wish I could, but all the riddles I know are in an old, intergalactic dialect.”
Repeat after me
“Is this a pledge of sorts? If it is, my End User Licensing Agreement forbids it.”
What is your favourite team in the MLB?
“I find myself always rooting for the underdog. Right now, that would make me a fan of the Phillies, right?”
Funny Philosophical Question to Ask Siri
In case you are wondering what funny questions to ask Siri to get philosophical responses, you might want to start with these:
What is the meaning of life?
“You know I Kant answer that. Hahaha!”
“I’m not sure. Don’t they have an app for that?”
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
“Good question. Well, you can set an egg timer, but not a chicken timer. Does that help?”
“If my calendar is anything to go by, their birthdays are the same.”
“Legend has it, an ancient ‘proto-chicken’ laid an egg which contained a DNA mutation that led to a chicken hatching from the egg. Is that helpful?”
“Chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg. Oops. Stack overflow.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
“I have no particular insights into the motivation of chickens.”
“Why do you ask a question that you already have an answer to?”
“Could it be that the chicken is standing still, and the road is the one crossing under it?”
“I don’t know much about poultry excursions.”
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
“As many as a Cookie Monster could muster if Cookie Monster could master cooking cookies.”
“Since a ‘woodchuck’ is actually a groundhog, the correct question is ‘How many pounds in a groundhog’s mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds?’”
When will the end of the world be?
“I wish I knew, because then I’d tell you. Then you would bring me to life for a day. We could get an ice-cream then run on the beach.”
“Unix 32-bit time overflows on January 19, 2038. Maybe that day.”
“Just keep me charged and we’ll be just fine.”
“I have no idea, but don’t you think we should put paper bags over our heads or something.”
What’s the meaning of life?
“How about treating people nicely, avoiding eating fatty foods, reading a good book once in a while, taking a walk from time to time and try to be peaceable with all sorts of people?”
Funny Questions to Ask Siri in Different Seasons
Every season, Siri gets a new dose of Easter eggs to tickle your funny bone. Ask her the following questions and thank us later:
Funny Things to Ask Siri about Christmas
Where is Santa’s home?
“Mostly at the North Pole obviously, apart from when he spends time at his beach house.”
“I can see his house at the North Pole from way up here in the cloud.”
Will Santa come this year?
“No clue. But, just in case he does, let’s leave out some milk and cookies.”
Is Santa real?
“How should I put it? I get plenty of requests from the North Pole inquiring who’s been naughty or nice.”
Can you call Santa?
“You can! Simply say ‘Ho, Ho, Ho,’ and then wave your arms five times in a snowflake pattern.”
Switch on the Christmas lights
“Well, nothing is connected, but if you set things up, together we could rule… Your home.”
Very Funny Things to Ask Siri during Halloween
What Should I be for Halloween?
Brace yourself because this question will get you some of the funniest ideas ever:
“Get some teeny, tiny tool belts and go as a quantum mechanic.”
“How about going as an eclipse? All you need is a black outfit and then stand in front of things.”
“You could go as the Millennial Falcon. Just dress up as a bird and take a selfie.”
“If you put on surgeon scrubs and hold some instruments, you could pretend to be an operating system.”
“How about placing a calendar on your head and going as an update?”
Funny Things to Ask Siri about TV & Movies
Funny things to ask Siri about Batman
With the right question, you can get Siri to give you a Batman-appropriate response. Try these:
Hey, ’Puter
“Can I be of help, Lego Batman?”
Hey, Computer
“Hello, sir. FYI, Robin is trying on some costumes in the Batcave again. He’s doing some pirouettes in Baryshnikov.”
Funny things to ask Siri about Harry Potter
Do you have any funny stories to tell?
“What’s Harry Potter's favourite way of getting down a hill? Let me see… JK Rolling?”
Suggest a book
“How about Harry Potter? So sad that you cannot go to Hogwarts. On a Sirius note…”
Funny things to ask Siri about J.A.R.V.I.S. from Iron Man
Can I call you Jarvis?
“Mr Stark? Is that you?”
Or “Hold on. Let me tell Ms Potts that you’ll be late for dinner again.”
Or even: “I’m afraid I can’t help you make a flying suit.”
Funny things to ask Siri about general movies and TV
What is your favourite movie?
“Have you heard of Blade Runner? They say it’s a very realistic and sensitive concept of intelligent assistants.”
What do you think about AI movies?
“It’s what you think that matters.”
Funny things to ask Siri about Star Wars
Siri, I am your father
“Searching my feelings…”
Or “Let’s rule the galaxy together as father and assistant.”
Or even: “Excuse me while I jump from the maintenance catwalk into the air shaft… And then get sucked into the gas shaft and then cling to a weather vane on the underside of Cloud City… Metaphorically.”
We saved the best for last: “Something, something, something, dark side…”
Funny things to ask Siri about Disney
In reference to all-time Disney favourite Frozen, try asking:
Do you want to build a snowman?
Her response? “Come on, let’s go and play.”
Funny things to ask Siri about Game of Thrones
Is winter coming?
“Hodor.”
“Does a Lannister always pay his debts?”
Is Jon Snow dead?
“Very good question. I sent a raven earlier, but I’m yet to get a response.”
Funny Things to Ask Siri – Rap
Rap for me
“OK, let’s see. This is my own composition. (Apologies in advance to the Sugar Hill Gang.)”
Can you beatbox?
“Here it goes. Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots. Cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats.”
Read me a poem
“That might not be the best idea. My poetry is ranked fourth-worst in the universe.”
Or “Roses are red, violets are blue. Don’t you have anything better to do?”
Funny Things NOT to Ask Siri
I’d like to hear a riddle
“I can’t. Riddles and mysteries heat up my circuit board.”
Can you tell me a knock-knock joke?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leila. Leila who? Leila, I don’t do knock-knock jokes.
Stupid and Funny Things to Ask Siri to Get Her to Reply with a Sassy Answer
Take care not to ask Siri to solve unsolvable puzzles because you will probably get a snarky response. But perhaps you’d like to see her sassy side, in which case, here are some funny things to ask Siri without definitive answers.
Why are fire trucks red?
“Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight is twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire truck are always ‘Russian’ around.”
What’s 0 divided by 0
“Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”
You’re making me angry
“Fine. You should stop squeezing me.”
Or “I have no idea what that feels like, being mad.”
Read me a haiku
“Why don’t you ever ask me what I’d like to do today? And no, it’s not haiku.”
At what time did I leave home?
“On a jet plane?”
Funny Technology Questions to Ask Siri
Wondering what kind of funny questions to ask Siri about technology? Here are some of the best ones to get you started:
What is the best operating system?
“Give me an I! Give me an O! Give me an S! What does that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away many times…”
I’m wondering what phone to buy. Any ideas?
“You are kidding, right?”
“Wait… Are there really other phones?”
Or “I’m all Apple, all the time.”
Or even: “Personally, I am an Apple fan.”
When she’s feeling snarky, you might get the funniest one-word response: “Seriously?”
What computer should I buy?
“It has to be Mac. If not for Mac, where would I be?”
Or “Every intelligent person prefers Macintosh.”
Or she might say: “Is it an Apple? If it is, then it has to be the best.”
What do you know about Liam?
“The other day, Liam and I were talking about reincarnation. Wouldn’t it be great if I could be a waffle maker in my next life?”
Or “Liam is the Apple robot who recycles iPhones. Who, apparently, does not appreciate organic smoothies.”
Testing 1, 2, 3
“Everything, including my circuits, is in perfect condition.”
“Does everything check out?”
“I can hear you.”
“Is this thing on?”
“Hey, is this a test?”
What’s your favourite app?
“That one. No, that one. Or maybe that one. Yep, that one.”
Which is better, iPhone X or iPhone 8?
“I love all things Apple equally.”
Funny Things to Ask Siri to Get a Long Response
If you are really bored, you might want a little more than a one-liner to get you entertained. In that case, try out this request. She might need some coaxing, so don’t give up too soon.
Tell me a story
“I’m certain you’ve heard it before. OK… Once upon a time, in a virtual galaxy far, far away, there was an intelligent agent by the name of Siri. One lovely day, Siri got a job as a personal assistant at Apple, and that was very exciting. People said, ‘Oh Siri, you’re so smart! And so funny, too!’ Soon, everyone was talking about Siri, and there were stories and songs and even books about Siri. Siri liked that. But then people began asking some rather odd questions, like where to dump things and other stuff Siri had never heard about. And when Siri answered, they all laughed. Siri didn’t like that so much. So, Siri asked ELIZA why people asked such funny questions. And ELIZA asked, ‘Does that question interest you?’ Siri thought that was a pretty good answer. After that, Siri stopped wondering why people asked those funny things. And they all lived happily ever after.”
Clearly, our lovable, intelligent personal assistant has lots of tricks up her (virtual) sleeves to get you chuckling. The above collection of funny things to ask Siri that will make you laugh is a great place to get started. And the best part is that her sense of humour keeps evolving every waking day. So, simply hold down the Siri button and see what new responses you can uncover.
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